Episodes

This week, we drop our first dummy thicc listener story episode, Brianne pulls off a long con and warms up to eating a lizard, Melanie has inspirational thoughts on being a bully at any age, Big Shark finally catches up to us, we have solid advice for angry snipers, and Brianne gets pregnant on the first date (with a podcast baby). Content warnings: depression, cooking and eating a lizard (graphic), insect swarm, non-graphic mention of poop, death of spouse, adoption (first family perspective), ...

This week, we are disaster girls, Brianne is trying to be mysterious, Ole shows up our seven year olds, some afternoon delight ends in flames, a man wins his own contest, Brianne hatches a new conspiracy theory, both of us love a rogue wave, we make a wish on a t-rex, Melanie appreciates her bush, and we encourage you to donate a secret. Content warnings: structural fires. Links: Documentary. (2014). A Lego Brickumentary. Williams, T. (2022). Adrift: The curious tale of the lego lost at sea. Uni...

This week, Melanie is a tour guide on the River Styx, we identify our gas station item love languages, we are old-timey brakemen, Melanie gets rammed, rollercoaster ghosts live on in original flooring, , the mayor and only the mayor cares, Walt Disney has a bad day, we get new nicknames, and Brianne has seen enough. Content warnings: death of a parent, hospice, cancer, rollercoaster derailment, injuries, brief and non-specific mention of suicide, brief graphic description of scalp injury, deaths...

This week, we reach climax, Heather is probably banging, Brianne is willing to lecture anyone at all, Melanie plays a reverse Uno card, we're tired of groaning and creaking, Melanie is gonna get her wets whisked, and we are sexy vampires. Content warnings: Structural collapse with fatalities, death/injury of teenagers, coma, serious injuries. Links: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1999_Aggie_Bonfire_collapse https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aggie_Bonfire https://web.archive.org/web/20070826164127/htt...

This week, Melanie curates a playlist, Brianne has cheese-based anxiety, Melanie is still on her normalization bullshit, we explore portals, Brianne is a connoisseur of victim blaming, and Melanie eats her pet. Content warnings: gambling, hypothetical damage to body in fall from cruise ship, drowning, decomposition, autopsy/visual identification of loved one, suicidal ideation/possible suicide from 47:00-1:03:34, depression, mental illness, pregnancy loss/hospitalization. Links: https://internat...

This week, we match each other's bad energy, the bracket has a slappin' bop, we deliver the content people want, Melanie only has one pull-quote for any story, the ants come and they might be rude, and capitalism was the real villain all along. Content warnings: structural damage/collapse, claustrophobia, deaths by drowning/suffocation, horse deaths.

This week, we strike a deal with listeners, Melanie gets stroked, Brianne is infuriated by the bracket match-up, Melanie wants to normalize wiener goo and makes it weird with an angel, Brianne appeases Big Shark, we wonder if good infestations exist, Melanie plans a crime, we determine whether Cody has to get dumped, the Coast Guard is dumb, some things are poppycock, you can delegate to us, and someone else earns butthole pics. Content warnings: sexual intercourse with unclear levels of consent...

This week, we get serious about listener story minisodes, Brianne has threatening opinions, the Disney song bracket has a very tough match-up, clickbait goes too far, we tell ourselves the truth about buffets, justice is not served, and our cockles are hot. Content warnings: multiple deaths in car accidents and from being struck by a vehicle. Links: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schoharie_limousine_crash https://www.ntsb.gov/investigations/AccidentReports/Reports/HAR2003.pdf https://www.timesuni...

This week, Brianne establishes dominance, Melanie gains a superstition, a birthday party gets RSVPed with a hard yes, cats run wild, things go hinky, the sun might be inhabited, Brianne wants to be a wealthy fruit dealer, a different birthday party gets RSVPed with a hard no, women know how to find people, no one is having an affair of the genitals, and Brianne speaks ill of the dead. Content warnings: speculation about suicide for a little while around 27:00, murder, blood, very brief mention o...

This week, we address the pettiest things we've ever done, a bridge slithers like a snake, life is messy, someone enters the Eamon McIntyre testicular hall of fame, we complete yet another Melanie bingo board, a cryptid gets shamed, Mothman threatens our job security, Melanie wants to see a dingbat's boobs, and we wish a very special Ghoul a happy birthday. Content warnings: bridge collapse, drowning, frequent non-detailed/non-graphic mentions of child loss, body identification. Links: 01 Dec 19...

This week, Melanie starts a rumor about Brianne's death, the bat dresses come out of the closet, Melanie jinxes everyone repeatedly, the cursed Midwestern food bracket comes to a close, we have merch, Melanie tells us things to make us clutch our pearls, dinosaur length references return to the podcast, Brianne has advice for Netflix, and we complete a Melanie episode bingo board. Content warnings: deaths of family members, terminal illness/hospice care, pregnancy loss, car accidents, train acci...

This week, Melanie has a gift and a burden, we reminisce about the smells that wouldn't leave us, the Midwestern food bracket prepares for a savory-ass showdown, Melanie continues her beef with Ohio, Brianne wants a vision board, an article was clearly written by a dude, Melanie buys a book, Brianne's politeness brings Satan into the picture, Binky bites the dinky, Lil Wayne and a polar bear have things in common, we get sleepy about zoo animals, and sharks aren't being carried like princesses. ...

This week, Brianne throws herself a curveball in Midwestern food brackets, Melanie matches energy, some maintenance staff have excessive job responsibilities, playful tigers are not necessarily whimsical, we float a new HGTV show, and a New Year's wish goes wrong. Content warnings: sometimes graphic death of animals from around 30:00 on, brief mention of discussion of suicide/depression 13:20-15:30, aquarium leak, inhumane zoos, tiger attack, limb loss/amputation, death by drowning, structure fi...

This week, Melanie's the ho, the midwest abandons God, Brianne gets a little defensive, Melanie has advice about boning, Captain Nash saves a life, and we're all on the same page about Ohio. Content warnings: pregnancy loss, loss of pet, near-drowning, COVID-related isolation, broken bones. Links: Apple Confirms #TattooGate Problem is Real Apple Watch Apple Watch 4 Adds ECG, EKG, and More Heart-Monitoring Capabilities Apple Watch fall detection helps save life of 92-year-old farmer after fall fr...

SHOW NOTES This week, we break some news too terrible even for a bat dress, two yummy sandwiches go head to head, Melanie adds to the Quicksand Irrational Fears Hall of Fame and gets aggressive about pancakes. Content warnings: second trimester loss, grief, funeral planning, death by burning, alcoholism, animal experimentation. Links: 06 Jul 1951, 12 08 Jun 1805, 3 13 Jan 1819, 2 15 Feb 1828, 1 20 Apr 1822, 2 31 Oct 2019, T6 A fire within Burn, Baby, Burn: Understanding the Wick Effect Death of ...

SHOW NOTES Melanie isn't nervous but Brianne has stage fright, Melanie doesn't want her sex tape released, Brianne has her most controversial hot take of all time and most upsetting episode of all time, we learn about the Fujita scale together and acknowledge that the world needs thrill-seeking bubbas. Content warnings: tornadoes, missing spouse, severe injuries, brain injury/memory loss, very sad death of mother in front of child at 44:15, injured/imperiled baby who survives, infant death 47:00...

This week, we write wedding vows, the battle of the beef goes down, a miniature shantytown full of miniature shopkeepers appears, we briefly achieve moral superiority over Canadians, Brianne plans international crimes, Melanie makes everyone cry, and we really want your bucket lists. Content warnings: death of grandparent, postpartum depression, hypothermia, drowning death, first responder PTSD. Links: 05 Feb 1912 05 Feb 1912 05 Feb 1912 05 Feb 1912 06 Feb 1912 06 Feb 1912 A Dedication Born of T...

This week, Ava has concerns about Black Friday, we revisit Momo and raise theories on Jerry's whereabouts, Brianne's villain origin story is finally revealed, fan favorite funeral potatoes appear on the bracket, a man whose name means fox stands up to the mafia, a sexy move with a lightbulb goes terribly wrong, we get mad at hospitals and float some alternatives to blood donation, a young man gets Final Destination-ed, Melanie loves mushy bananas in her mouth, and Brianne has on-air beef with he...

This week, Melanie does a cemetery crawl, Brianne gets inspired by pettiness beyond the grave, alligator feet present a setback for the anti-smoking lobby, green beans ruin the day, Melanie victim blames and slut shames sheep, and lightkeepers are all haunted. Content warnings: cemeteries/graves/decomposition, drugs, Hurricane Katrina deaths, drowning, boat capsizing, structural fire, burn injuries, adult jokes, depression/psych meds. Links: 13 Jan 1886, 4 16 Tales that Make these Historic Light...

AUDIO DISCLAIMER: Melanie is at it again - she attempted a new recording set-up and the audio did not work out as planned. We've learned our lesson and won't be mixing it up again, sorry for the iffy sound this week! This week, the Midwestern food bracket has two tasty contenders, Melanie forgets this is a family show and is too willing to exhume a corpse, sewer alligators get gaslit out of existence, Brianne faces her phobia head-on for the sake of research, and reptiles encounter labia yet aga...

This week, Brianne throws a wrench in the Midwestern food bracket on day one, Melanie is forcibly drafted into the world of hot takes, we investigate the secret lives of farm children, Brianne has questions about necking, and we offer legal advice for anyone with a Kyle in their inbox. Content warnings: vomiting/nausea, adult jokes, murder, pigs eating people, violence, robbery, brief mention of rape, decapitation, bugs/spiders laying eggs under your skin, very gross veterinary medicine story, t...