Episodes

This week, the Froot Loops are malicious, Grace is back on her bullshit, not everyone understands how certifying things works, the story includes an unexpected amount of family tea and fantasy nose punching, and Melanie has an unethical opinion. Content warnings: vaguely discussed but very graphic image, fire with multiple child fatalities vaguely discussed throughout, looting, abduction/missing child scenario.

This week, the ghouls deliver on tea (but not the usual kind), Brianne’s kid is a poser, the bracket choice is unexpectedly easy, Melanie loves sipping clams, people scoot like seals, Brianne is haunted by violent Sky Dancers, and Melanie gets some foot pics. Content warnings: intense descriptions of children in danger who survive 38:00-48:00, various less-descriptive or minor injuries discussed throughout.

This week, Brianne is willing to make a ghost if you give her a reason, sexy boys are silly boys, the real lizard was Carrot Top all along, and Samson is a beefy fellow. Content warnings: plane crash/survival story

This week, Brianne loves geese, Melanie doesn’t understand that raccoons are a blessing, Brianne never wants to wear pants again, Adelaide has the perfect topic, we wonder whether rubber cement girls are a real thing, and everyone knows Melanie would eat a koala. Content warnings: not very graphic discussion of burn injuries, asbestos, extremely upsetting discussion of the death of a 7 year old 38:00-49:00.

This week, Brianne and Melanie are each other for Halloween, Squonk asserts dominance over viruses, Brianne loves buttless animals, Melanie loves wet socks, two haunted dolls are going to kiss soon, hiding cursed objects in attics doesn’t solve the problem, Brianne wishes to be unknowable, Danica is a necromancer, we hold a shared passion for speakin’, Kaitlyn’s grandma says goodbye, an anonymous writer dies at church camp and does not tell us about it, not all huffers have recovered, Ducky does...

This week, Goat Granny sets up a trail cam, Tinky is in the will, Brianne finds out about Dennis Rodman, Melanie doesn’t want illegitimate Crocs, we’re all spared a week of existential terror, Melanie isn’t noble enough for a baller umbrella, black cats must be protected, Melanie loves to touch wood, Brianne realizes the Romans were onto something, Melanie figures out the origin story for a band name, and we want your scary stories. Content warnings: hanging death, brief and vague mention of mi...

This week, some shit’s always going down on the east side, petting zoo rules are implemented at Brianne’s sole discretion, Melanie’s decanter collects dust, and Brianne is clear in her feelings on South Korea and its people. Content warnings: intense descriptions of crowd crushings, discussion of suicide from approximately 43:00 through disaster relief, including one with more detailed discussion of suicide note, PTSD, and survivor’s guilt.

This week, Melanie is a wholesome dad joke, the TV theme show bracket comes to a close, Melanie finds a comrade in morbid graphic design, Brianne is not impulse buying crickets, and we should all get an oil change. Content warnings: bus fire and explosion leading the the deaths of many elderly people, gross discussion of umbilical cords. Links: 24 nursing home evacuees... 24 Sep 2005, 6 24 Sep 2005, 7 Ada Dahl Adrian Flake Bus company guilty... Deadly Bus Fire... Eldon Boudreaux Elsie Ruth Nic...

This week, we add to our vault of cursed episodes, we plan No Thought November, Brianne gets her giggles where she can, Melanie refuses to change topics mid-episode, Myrtle doesn’t read the room, and Brianne lets the intrusive thoughts win. Content warnings: extremely graphic and upsetting descriptions of animal suffering and inhumane euthanasia. Also: alcohol, death and injury of humans in animal attacks, very brief reference to catholic sex abuse, children seeing traumatic things. Links: htt...

This week, Melanie makes her children ride in the cargo hold, Christy exceeds expectations, Bermuda is not the only triangle in town, Melanie loves to give hugs, the arrogance of white men was the real supernatural mystery all along, Brianne loves nerds and experts and expert nerds, and Michigan is ready to get aliens over with. Content warnings: historically poor treatment of Native Americans, deaths by shipwreck, brief speculation about suicide or murder, presumed death by plane crash

This week, Brianne is turbocharged by the moon, the White Chicken apology tour never ends, human complexities reach extreme levels, Cody would be on a mule, and it’s too soon for our usual send-off. Content warnings: cancer, intense description of plane crash with deaths, speculation about decapitation, very graphic discussion of serious injuries, suicide, skull fracture, coma, disembowelment, very graphic discussion of cannibalism, avalanche, buried alive scenario, exhumation of a grave. Kore...

This week, Brianne awards a half-assed bracket advancement, all mistakes are just glitches in the matrix, boundaries are set regarding relaxy time, Melanie loves a factory incident, and technology is in retrograde. Content warnings: gross-sounding slime noise, death by burning, death by drowning, very sad story about couple dying together in a fire, very brief mention of deaths of children in fire, brief and non-graphic mention of vomit in disaster relief. Links: https://www.newspapers.com/ima...

This week, a Canadian goose is nearly lost, Brianne is surprised by her own bracket choices, Olaf is no help for the recap, and we unpack what can prevent a tragedy like this from happening again. Content warnings: transracial adoption, intense and continual discussion of child abuse and murder, non-graphically discussed animal neglect, suicide,

This week, Melanie has unexpected responsibilities as the adultiest adult, Bay is marked safe, Melanie forgets to have self-preservation instincts, Jacob gets bonked with some undies, Brianne is ONCE AGAIN right, and Melanie enjoys creating art. Content warnings: death by explosion.

This week, kids get sent for, Geminis know that they’re the problem, we take our laughs where we can, and we reach true equality. Content warnings: intense and frequent descriptions of child abuse and neglect, drug addiction, homelessness, adoption trauma, mental health issues, homophobia, food insecurity.

This week, we were never off our bullshit, Brianne wants to go to the Dixie Dandy Supermarket, it’s prudent to carry a tourniquet when you’re passing through Nub City, we question the difficulty level of hunting possum, Brianne threatens Melanie with a crowbar, the bloopers get left in, and the gobble of a turkey makes everything else go away. Content warnings: self-inflicted amputations.

This week, Melanie is walking trauma, the British a-team of weird dudes arrives, cops probably aren’t the goodest boys, Melanie finally takes a turn being a shitbag, a farmer is thrilled to lose his crops, we pioneer new SAR techniques, and Brianne is feral now. Content warnings: children in extreme peril who survive, extreme survival situation, low oxygen, drowning, ketamine, brief mention of Xanax, statelessness, death of teenager from head injury (brief and non-graphic).

This week, TimBits lead to a courtroom, Lawrence feels a lot of different emotions, people are unsafe in orchards, Melanie brazenly robs Lowes, Transylvania Little League Safety Officer is a real job title, Brianne calls for a little circumspection around haunted dolls, Natasha puts on her heelies, and we get a cameo from a chaotic dad. Content warnings: graphic description of accidental amputation, fire, helicopter crash, deaths of babies in the context of a ghost story, ableism, vomit

This week, we would like you to have some empathy, Melanie is a sour bitch, the bracket box doesn't age well, New York has a rough summer, a loose-locking nut causes problems, selective decisions are made to drop loads, a disaster leads to Christmas music in July, everybody gets high, and Melanie white-knights for God. Content warnings: lightning strikes, power outage, looting related violence, labor and delivery under dangerous conditions, brief but upsetting mention of a baby who may have die...

This week, some of us are snack sized, a dinosaur interrupts Tooty Bubbles shopping, Riley earns a first responder discount at Carrabba's, a wedding goes sideways (and into the water), a giant evil hedgehog crashes the musical party, we conceptualize a wild boar in a robe, we need to clarify that we don’t technically condone violence as a way to move on from your ex, we have a spirited debate about fecal loops, and Dr. Dre is really hard to impress. Content warnings: very brief mention of suici...

This week, we make friends with alternate reality versions of ourselves, we try to make it right with Big Shark, Brianne is changed by the Hat Man, Melanie pulls a shot out of her gills, the Virgo apology tour never ends, electricity is a hard sell, Mindy and Brooke learn about the power of nope, Melanie is dicks-lexic, there’s vodka and VD behind the carousel, it’s a jerky ride in the cave of wonders, dinosaur measurements return, we have an established tragedy to dick joke ratio, and we look f...

This week, Melanie provides no context, traffic gets avoided, Brianne is willing to deploy anti-bird measures, Melanie finally regrets googling something, and we plan a petty obituary. Content warnings: kitchen accident leading to blood loss and partially severed fingertip, alcoholism, stabbing, plane crash, intense descriptions of car accident deaths, survivor's guilt, and PTSD.